Waking up terrified -
but of what?
Is it fear that the future will be bleak,
because it will.
Is it fear of the past,
because the trauma resurfaces.
Is it fear of the present -
but how is fear of the present possible?
I realise it cannot be fear of the present.
Remember,
as a child,
holding tight to the bar across your legs,
while you rode the rollercoaster?
The excitement of what is ahead -
and the trepidation.
It is like that,
but without the excitement.
Can it be just fear of what the future will bring -
or is it,
perhaps,
the anxiety of not wanting to deal with people.
People are so tedious,
so capricious,
so self-centred.
If you woke up tomorrow and you were the last person on Earth,
would you still have this anxiety?
I think not.
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