19 Mar 2024
I had a very devout friend in university (I had a few as a theology student) who was “waiting for marriage” - poor bastard. Most of us, as far as I could tell, had not waited so long, but there were a few who were claiming to be waiting until marriage (most seemed to lack opportunity). I had one roommate who had kissed a girl on the lips at 12 years of age and done nothing else - man was he frustrated and repressed!
Anyway, back to the friend who was waiting for marriage - a few years after we finished university, he drove 6 - 10 hours to visit me and had the most beautiful woman with him. I was incredibly impressed and finally pulled him aside to ask, “Are you having sex with her??” I was giddy with excitement for him. He looked at me very seriously and said, “No, she is divorced.” I asked what the hell that had to do with it and he replied that he was still, “waiting until marriage with a godly woman”. I was shocked at his response. He was a small framed man with a hairline moving back and he felt himself better than this kind and beautiful woman. This was something like a scene from Shallow Hal, but decades earlier.
I shook my head, disappointed in him, and he and his lovely travel companion left my home a few hours later. She really had been a lovely person and seemed to be interested in him, but his quickness in judging her had denied him the opportunity to get to know an incredible person.
Fast forward a few years and he was getting married. After the marriage he called me to say that even though he had waited so VERY long for sex, it wasn’t all he had expected and he was very disappointed. He wanted insights and help of some sort from me, it seemed, but all I could think about was that he lacked the experience which would have given him the insights he sought. I thought again of his earlier travel companion and was sure she wouldn’t have been a disappointment.
Fast forward a few more years and he was dead. The “godly” woman he had met had thought a good diet was full of dairy and the fellow who I had seen jog hours as an undergraduate was dead from clogged arteries. I wonder if the woman he considered himself too good for would have eaten in such a way with him - I doubt it. He made a superficial judgment about one person and didn’t judge another perhaps enough.
All of this is to say that we definitely shouldn’t surround ourselves with people who will not be good for us, but we also shouldn’t quickly judge others. I imagine that he would still be alive if he had given the divorced woman who drove 6 - 10 hours with him a real chance.
Be wise with your judgments.
Aroha nui,
Lee Sturgis
leesturgis.eth
Support my Writing
If you would like to support my writing you can do so at the following Web3 addresses:
leesturgis.eth
leesturgis.sol
